We like the simple answer; that it’s just in their nature, the whole family are like that, it’s genetic, isn’t it?.
It lets us blame others and it takes the responsibility off of us. We can be happy with that lie.

People so often describe every problem as genetic. Their father and mother were like that too.

Well your father and mother were afraid enough of fire to avoid getting burned, I expect you are too. You still had to learn it the hard way though!

Many, many problems in life are like that: anxiety, depression, anger, being miserable and always seeing the bad side, can all be acquired through learning too.

Let’s stick to the person who’s miserable. Why would a brain learn that? How could that be positive?

The answer lies in your brain’s priorities. Your brain doesn’t really care if you are happy, it is programmed to care much more about keeping you safe!

If your mind feels a threat it responds to that first, without looking far ahead. It looks for “will you be alive in ten minutes” way more than “will you be happy”.

So, if you have a bad experience in love, your brain notices the hurt as a ‘danger’ and sets up emotional barriers to help you avoid that danger again. Just like it did when you first burned your hand as a child.

Repeat that pattern of disappointment and hurt a few times and you have a pattern of self sabotage where your mind is trying to ‘help’ you by keeping you safe from pain. It gives that priority over your happiness because it wants you to live more than it wants you to be happy.

If you have bad experiences in different areas of life, your mind then recognises a pattern and starts to always look out for the bad – again to help keep you safe, but you can end up unable to see the good. Convinced the world is a terrible place, mistrustful of people, and lonely. And for you it is, but your mind can learn and unlearn what it needs to, for you to change and become happier.

A system that can learn means you can re-train it!

You can make a change. You can learn to create a more positive pattern for your mind to see and search for the good in life. You have a chance, you can become the person you want to be.

Change is easier than you think