Why do I lie awake worrying?

 

Going back over every detail, imagining everyone is judging me, the tension in my stomach and my head racing!

Where does this come from? What drives all the ‘what-if’ type of worry?

What we are describing when we talk about worry or anxiety is what happens when the fear system or self-preservation system of the mind is active.

Its job is to analyse everything to see what might be a problem and to make us pay attention to that in case we’re in real danger.

Part of how it does this is by making us overreact to things. If we go over and over and over something, then we are more likely to be able to spot it and avoid it in real life if it is a problem.

Did I leave the door unlocked, did I say something stupid at work, did I upset a friend on a night out? Each possibility comes up and if it ‘might’ be an issue emotion pours into it, and it gets examined from every angle.

We replay what was done or said or imagine how we’ll manage it in the future, what we will say, what they might say and our response to that imagined moment. It makes perfect sense as a problem-solving exercise, but usually there is no problem, just a bad feeling coming from that self-preservation system being switched on when it doesn’t need to be.

Now if we were in a warzone that same system would be helpful. Is that rubble or a hidden bomb? What if I walk past it, will it be OK or am I in danger? The more we over-think and analyse it the more likely we are to spot and avoid danger.

Once it has us over thinking things and spotting any chance of danger it needs to do one more thing – it needs us to take it personally and change our behaviour.

If we think someone else is at risk or is the problem and if we didn’t think we need to do something about it then we may not avoid the issue. So, anxiety, fear, and stress all make us assume somehow, we’re at fault or in danger. We imagine that we are the problem and make negative comparisons.

We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards because of the associated feelings, often giving up before we start as we deep down feel it won’t be good enough, or we always find something to be unhappy with regardless of how well we do the task.

We fret over things that never happen, we focus on things that will make us happy only to find after a while that they didn’t make any long-term difference. That could be getting a job, the car, the qualification, moving to a new place, etc. We can sometimes become obsessed with what will fix how we feel only to find that wasn’t the problem at all

I can’t count the number of people who have said to me that their mind just moved to worrying about something else when they get past the last worry. That used to happen to me when I was anxious for decades too.

Here’s the good news, that’s natural when we’re anxious. Our mind is trying to help us – it feels we are in danger, and it’s looking for the next thing that might be the cause of that. When anxious the worry is an independent system from the things we think are the causes.

Why is that good news? Because we don’t usually need to solve loads of things – just the anxiety.

When I was crushed with anxiety I could have been treated for so many aspects of it: social anxiety, claustrophobia, panic disorder, IBS, low immune system, ME, and fibromyalgia (they were all suggested to be present by medical professionals when I didn’t know what was happening.)

In my case, and in so many others, once we recognise the anxiety is pushing so many aspects of life, we can then treat the anxiety and see improvement across so many areas in our daily experience.

My advice is to make a list of the things that worry has been attached to and see if the pattern one where the worry is just always switched on and latching on to the next thing rather than the issues themselves being the problem. If the issues are the problem, then the worry should go away after each issue until life throws a new real challenge. If it’s just the anxiety always on we’d expect the worry to continue and just hop to the next issue without relief when we resolve things.

I’ll try and write a piece on how we see the mind develop this sort of anxiety in the next few weeks. Thanks Mary for the suggestion on that!

Change is easier than you think!

I’m always happy to speak with people about how life can improve and can probably find people who can help nearby.

 

Have a great week,

John

 

info@JohnPrendergast

085 1313700

www.JohnPrendergast.ie

 

John Prendergast MA, MBACP, is an award-winning specialist in Anxiety and Psychological Trauma. His area of interest is the fear system of the human mind and body, and his work centres around reducing suffering for individuals one-on-one and in groups. He lived decades of sever anxiety in his own life before finding help and then studied with some of the world’s leaders in reducing anxiety, resolving PTSD, and living happier lives. He sees clients in clinic in Athlone, Westmeath/Roscommon, Ireland, and around the world via Zoom. He also delivers training to businesses and through seminars across the UK and Ireland.